“Irrational Mess”

Transitioning in life comes in many flavors and forms. When I first moved into the apartment with Ian, five years ago, we walked into the empty space and just stood there. I can’t remember who exactly said it first, but one of us stated “This is so cool. But, you know how it’s going to end right? One of us is probably going to find a girl and we will have to move on.”

It was a sad statement to make at the first day of moving in with your best friend, but it needed to be said. We, our friendship and living situation, had an expiration date. One that neither one of us completely understood when would be.

Ian and I always had a kind of intense friendship. 19 years is a long time to have ups and downs in a relationship. In a lot of ways I wanted to explore that with Hipster Picnic. I wanted to talk about how there is no real cookie cutter example, given to us from preceding generations, that could help us navigate an intense male bond that was platonic. I mean, Kevin Smith and Scrubs probably had a bigger impact on our relationship than anything else and purely because they provided some kind of narrative for how we were supposed to behave towards each other.

Hawk’s behavior in this page, his anger, his inability to rationalize the hurt he is feeling due to his transition – that is me. I remember all of those feelings well. I remember the fights I had with my wife where I wasn’t able to understand that my anger was coming from pain. It was a pain that wasn’t necessarily coming from Ian moving on. Though that hurt, I think it was a pain from not knowing what was happening in my life. All of my safety nets were changing and I don’t think I quite had (have) the support structures to deal with the change.

Little changes bug me, like when my day goes off schedule, or I don’t have time in my day to do ALL the things. These big changes, like when the only family you have in a city decides that you need to be out of their life, those changes – they shatter me.

It’s crazy to look backwards and create this comic about this time in my life, about this very important relationship. In a lot of ways it is the perfect time. My wife and I are living in England for the year. I have perspective from my past that was in both San Diego and New Hampshire. I am able to look and reflect on all of that. Ian is actually coming to visit this weekend. He and his wife live in Barcelona for now and they are flying in Friday to visit us in the UK. It will be good to catch up. It will be good to connect. It has been a while.

-Patrick

Song Of The Day:

“Self Esteem” by The Offspring

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